I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
