i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dick very happy bro
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
