Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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