Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
