HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
