apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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