I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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