Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
