dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
