No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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