chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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