Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize