Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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