This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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