you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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