It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
