Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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