you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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