and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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