were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Everclear isn't food dammit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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