just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
