I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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