My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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