remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
