absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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