who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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