I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
