at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
