i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
