Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
