Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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