she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
