sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
