so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
