if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
