after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
