glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
