Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
