She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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