Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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