Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
