I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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