Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
