btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
