But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
