Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
