I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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