He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
