am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
