As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
