we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
