It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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