It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
