Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
