if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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