Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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