My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm passing your future prison.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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