I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
