I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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