Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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