hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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