I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
