why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
