God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
