thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
