I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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