we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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