Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
