It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
