I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
