dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!