Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!