Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.