he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card