that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.